What you need to know about living with a 3 year old ... and why you need to know it!

Three year olds need to be number 1!

   The last few weeks have been really challenging for me in dealing with Little Monkey. I am not sure if the "back-to-school" routine is getting to him, or if the impending arrival of his baby brother makes him crabby, but he has has more tantrums and behavior issues lately than he has had in months. Don't get me wrong, I love my son with all my heart but sometimes he can drive me "coo-coo". There are numerous times when I really want him to go and join the circus for a little while and come back when he can behave better. OK, maybe I don't really want him to go off on a world adventure, but I do want him to listen to his parents and be polite, and well behaved. And then I remember that he is three , and that is a big thing to ask of a three-year old. But understanding any creature (even the unruly 3 year old) requires a guide, so one can navigate the uncharted territory of living with a three year old. Since I highly doubt that I am the only one in this boat, I have compiled a list of things you need to know about 3 year olds so that you can live in peace and harmony with them (or at least so that you don't send them off to live with the circus as their newest "untamable child" act).

All the things you need to know about 3 year-olds and why you need to know it.

1. Three year-olds don't understand time. 
    - All three year olds have no concept of time. They live in a world that is governed by when they eat, sleep and go to the washroom and not by the pesky clock. Minutes or hours mean absolutely nothing to them. So telling a three year old that grandma will arrive in one hour is equivalent of telling them that it will be years before she comes. Yup, minutes seem like years to three year-olds.
Why do you need to know this? - If you told your three year old that his favorite show will start in five minutes, or that the food will be ready in 10 minutes, be prepared to have him or her arrive punctually every 30 seconds to inquire if it's time yet. Is it annoying? YES! Are they doing it to drive you crazy? NO! Remember, three year olds have not become friends with he clock and the calendar yet.

2. Since three year-olds are not governed by the clock they can never be late. What is late anyways!
    - You can't explain the concept of being late to a three year-old. Nope! No matter how hard you try to get out of the house on time with a three year-old, he or she will always manage to find "important" things to do when you're running late. Saying to a three year-old that you need to leave at 11 am for doctor's appointment is equivalent to saying that somewhere between breakfast and lunch we will go visit a doctor. That leaves plenty of time to use that felt pen on the wall to draw designs as mom is running around frazzled.
Why do you need to know this? - Be prepared to be late some of the time as the time that you're scrounging to get out of the house will almost always be a perfect time for your three year-old to have a potty accident, find a bug that they must watch, loose their other shoe, or misplace your car keys that they were just playing with. I would just get used to getting ready 2 hours ahead of when you need to be ready.

3. Three year olds can't be reasoned with (but bribery works most of the time)
    - Explaining to a three year old why he can't play with a knife, or why running in the street is dangerous, or why they need to take off their muddy shoes before entering the house is futile. Further explanations just makes a three year-old more convinced that you are out to ruin their fun. Once they decide that they want something and that's the end of the story.
Why you need to know this? - If you notice your three year-old playing with a dangerous or forbidden item you might as well bribe them into giving it back. No amount of explaining why this is not OK to play with will make a three year-old give up the treasure that they just "found", but they are often willing to trade up for another treasure. I hope you have lots of goodies on hand at all times!

4. Three year olds have no volume control, or at least they are unable to control the volume.
    - It seems that three year olds have a "random" setting for their volume. Often times, especially when they have done something wrong, the volume control of a three year-old will be stuck on "quiet", but watch out when you are at a place that requires for them to be quiet. It if often in those times that a three year-old's volume control jumps to "loudest possible" setting. It is not unusual for a three year old to blurt out loudly in places that are meant to be quiet places.
Why do you need to know this? - When your three year old says in a loud voice at church "did Jesus poop like me?",  or while visiting museum he or she says loudly that "the men in front of us smells funny", it's not because they are trying to have all the people present hear them, but rather they are unable to control their volume. Constant reminders when to use quiet voice and when to used loud voice will often seem pointless, but keep doing it anyways. They will figure it out ...... eventually.

5. Three year olds are unable to make up their minds.
    - This means that if you give them choices they will pick one only to change their mind 1 934 325 times and still not be happy with the choice they made. If you tell them that next choice they pick will be the last one they can pick it will most likely result in one unhappy three year-old.
Why do you need to know this? Giving choices is not the root of the problem, three year old's inability to make up their mind is. Be ready to cut off the process of switching between choice items at some point and be ready to bear the consequences. Good luck to you!

6.  To a three year old, everything evolves around them and their needs and wants. 
    - Three year olds have a very good way of letting you know that they are the center of universe. If you dare to forget that a three year old hates crust on his bread he will let you know, if you dare to change the channel while his favorite show is on, he will let you know. If you dare to talk to another human being in the presence of a three year old and he or she notices, well nice knowing you. Three year olds have very little understanding for people that can't accept them as being the center of the universe. Trying to reasonably explain to them that they are not? See point 3!
Why do you need to know this? - Three year olds have no understanding for your private time, like bathroom or important phone calls. Be prepared that when that phone rings your three year-old will find a million and one things to need help with just to make you see that they have needs above that of the caller and you. Hugs to you since that will only get worse before it gets better.

7. Three year olds are bound by a secret oath to do everything themselves, even if it takes them a REALY LOOOOOOOOOONG time!
    - Gone are the days of doing things for your baby. Welcome to the "standing and waiting while you child attempts to do it himself" days. Don't even try to help them unless it has been over an hour or the three year old lost it and begun wailing. Any attempt to help a three year old in his task will just end in a terrible tantrum. Good luck with that when you're already running late. And since you can't hurry a three year-old (see point 1) might as well make a coffee while you wait.
Why you need to know that? - When your three year old insists on buttering his own bread or tying his own shoes just see the positive side to a story; you might be late by 45 minutes today but at least you had one less thing to do. And your three year old will eventually master the skill and then they will revert back to asking you to do it for them!

I really hope that this list will help you see the humor in living with a little three year old who can be more demanding than a dictator but more sweet than honey. The good news is that this is only a stage of development and it will eventually pass, only to be replaced by more demanding "teenage stage" in the near future. As a matter of fact, think of the "three year-old stage" as a way to prepare you for teenage years. Think positive, someday your three year old will have little three year old of his or her own and then you let them know how lovely they were at this age!